WARNING – The following post is pretty open and may be TMI for some readers. However, to have an honest discussion about the “S” word, well, I have to actually talk about it. You’ve been warned.
Last week I asked my friends on IG what was a topic you wanted me to talk about. One of my friends said “Sex after babies” and honestly, I cringed. Not because I didn’t like the question but because I haven’t really talked about it all before now.
I grew up with a Mennonite background and sex was one of those things you just DIDN’T publicly talk about. It wasn’t shamed necessarily but it also wasn’t actively mentioned. It’s an old habit that has died hard.
However, this topic is a BIG one once you’ve had a baby and is one of the biggest topics of conversations amoung my friends that have had kids.
When is the right time? How soon is TOO soon? How long is TOO long? Does it hurt, should it hurt? What if I don’t want to? What if it feels different? What if my partner no longer finds me attractive? Who has the time or energy?!
So, let’s talk about it.
Sex after babies.
Next to your first poop after giving birth (terrifying, amirite?) this is a big and scary hurdle. For me, my main concerns were 1) what about the pain!? 2) What if my boobs start leaking on Jon?! 3) Will it feel different for Jon and 4) Will I ever even want to again?! I’m EXHAUSTED.
You’ve just pushed a baby out of your vagina (or had one pulled out of your uterus). Either way, things hurt. Things are tender. Things just FEEL different. Your uterus is going back to it’s regular shape. Your boobs a bit leaky. Oh, and you aren’t sleeping. Not all things that make you feel super sexy (at least, not me).
Pre-baby, I had a pretty high sex drive. Post-baby…well, is there such thing as a negative sex drive?
The more I put pressure on myself (and it was me, not Jon), the more worried, scared and worked up I became. We would try and O would start crying. Or I couldn’t stay awake, never mind bump and grind.
Honestly, I can’t even remember how long it was before Jon and I tried for the first time. I think it was around 3 months? Probably after I started taking medication and was coming out of my PPD.
When we were done (and nothing terrible happened) I looked at Jon and asked “did that feel really different?!” He kind of looked at me, unsure of what to say and landed on “Yes, but not in a bad way?” Bless his heart.
When I shared my experience with a girlfriend she was like “I’m 6 months post partum and I haven’t even thought about trying!” I was shocked. Here I had put all this pressure on myself to get back on the horse, and it wasn’t even something that had crossed her mind.
So, here are my tips to getting jiggy with it post-baby:
- Take your time. There is NO rush. Give yourself time to heal both physically and emotionally. The newborn phase is TOUGH.
- Talk to your partner, express your concerns. I felt gross, Jon thought I was beautiful. I was worried about pain and it DID hurt a bit (kind of like losing your virginity again….fun!).
- Accept and embrace the fact I t might be weird the first couple of times – I was worried about booB leakage…and one time, I did leak on Jon’s face. That weirded us both out but we moved past it (PRO TIP – do a full feed or pump before getting freaky).
- You may have to plan it around baby’s nap/sleep time. Maybe not, but sometimes having a set time can help prepare you and maybe even get you excited.
- USE PROTECTION…just trust me on that one.
And above all – LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. If something really hurts, respect that and give yourself more time to heal.
Do you have a funny post-baby sex story?! I want to hear it! Leave a comment or head over to my IG and send me a DM!